Transformation

When we are little we are asked what we may like to be one day?
                  My answers ranged from writer, fashion designer, lawyer, starving artist, and other assorted titles.

As I found myself in college it was less about the title of what I would be and who it was I wanted to be - strong, funny, comfortable with myself, assertive, volunteer focuses, independent, loved, always striving for a better version of myself, open to life and all it's happiness and pain among other things.

As I consider this now, about to start in my last year in University, I find that while my major changed as often as my childhood answer, and my job desires don't even align with the major I'll graduate with and while I've made great progress in who I want to be now it's shifted still. Now instead of desiring a new laundry list of attributes I want or job titles - I want to accept myself, just as I am, highly emotional, passionate, overly invested, flawed but ultimately good natured me. Yes I do have elements of my personality that can be hard to handle, but that's not according to me. That has been according to everyone else. In the last year I had several friends I thought were like family tell me off for those characteristics of being too much to handle in the areas of emotions and ups and downs and by God I am, but I'm done feeling ashamed for it.

This is who I am. I cry my eyes out often, laugh often, and hit very low lows, but I also experience every moment of life and I wouldn't have it any other way and that dynamic quality is something worth loving.( and for the record an acceptable healthy personality type) I'm not a bad person for being myself and as I look to the future I see that what I want is to not lose sight of that self acceptance for anyone, always learn and grow, be a good role model (which admittedly this last year I potentially was not) go on adventures in my twenties, and hopefully start a family (adopted family) in my early thirties. I want to take in the children that were also made to feel decidedly less for simply existing as they are and give them a home in myself. I want to live in a city, far, far away from Minnesota a state that holds too many heartbreaks for me already, and live a life I can be proud of and through doing so move the world one step closer to a better tomorrow. (that's my life motto - the one good thing I got from my leadership minor)

I'm sure this year at school will offer ups, downs, a few good chats, a few good cries, and way too many goodbyes, but I feel good about where I'm going, about my transformation into the next stage of my life whatever it may hold and no along the way I will have no problem finding love, laughter, and people to share it with because for all that is deemed wrong in me I have never had a problem opening up and accepting others. I love like others breathe, automatically, and without effort and for that, even in a world where I'm told I should be ashamed of that, I'm grateful to God for that. It's perhaps the single quality of myself I've grown most proud of.