Dr. Cornel West

I went to the speaker tonight on campus, Dr. Cornel West. He was remarkable. He was a fantastic speaker, a kind, wise, funny man who genuinely practiced what he preached while simultaneously respecting other views. He spoke of love, and not giving up, of holding on to hope despite no reason to. He emphasized the need to stop being a generation of ME ME ME right NOW NOW NOW. about loving people, completely with that risk of loss. He discussed the importance of not just getting a degree to brag and have STATUS, but to learn, to educate ourselves and truly be better than we were before we embarked on the journey of higher education.

This man changed me.

It's no secret I love. I love with all my heart. It is also no secret that particular flaw is ridiculed, usually daily, and that the very trait of loving has left me burned, scarred, and scared. I wrote in this blog no more than a post or two ago about how I thought I should stop caring about others for a while until I could figure out if 1. anyone could ever love like I do and 2. if it ever paid to care and 3. if it did who to give that love to.

I have been struggling with the me centered actions of saying no, of not doing all that I could, because no one else does. We all talk big like we do, but no. we. don't. We all say we care but no. we. don't. not like we could because it hurts to care, it is a hard and deliberate activity to love and care for others, particularly when we get nothing in return.  However, in light of last year, and the 21 that preceded it I thought everyone else maybe had it right. I shouldn't care like I do. I was the one who was wrong to believe love could matter, that I was wrong to give all I had into the parts of my life that educated me but didn't give me a grade or a score.

Cornel West showed me I wasn't wrong.

More than that though, he showed me that I am not alone. He is the first person who spoke the ideals I carry in my heart and get labeled a hippie, wussy, emotional, too invested and so on. He has earned respect and I am a no body, but that doesn't particularly matter either. I am not alone.

There are others who do in fact care and love, thrive, and live for those deep discussions, who find American culture on a serious and dangerous slope of self involved, materialistic, unmotivated, surface, status driven people. They are the majority, but others exist.

We are not alone, and I have hope.

Hope that some day our newspapers may actually report news, instead of which celebrity is dating who, or what style is in, and yes I do enjoy fashion, trashy tv, and other such vices, BUT IN SMALL AMOUNTS. It doesn't comprise the entirety of my life, not even close. I spend most of my time thinking. Considering my past, my present, and my future. I contemplate what a movie is saying, what our society is doing, and the silliness that prevails in what should be a scholarly environment. I consider human nature, the beauty of the written word. I am not as I appear, because to appear thoughtful, insightful, and overly invested is to mark yourself as an outsider. I've become more than a little skilled at portraying the easy cliches and mindless conversations that are expected of me and I've had to because I believed that despite those far and few between remarkable conversations that this was all there was. That I would never find another person who thought, felt, believed like I did.

Then I heard him speak and was reminded that no matter how dark a moment or even an entire life we are not alone. There are others. Others who care more than a little. Others who are moved to tears by a piece of music. Others who understand what matters.

While I can say that not everyone got the same impact I did (two obnoxious girls were texting with sound on, and whining LOUDLY how long the talk was) I can say, confidently, someone was changed. Someone was reignited with hope, passion, and determination.

I know because I was a someone, and I know that I wasn't alone.

Ponderments of a Post Book High

Well this blog seems to be centralized about reading more and more and rightly so. The art of reading and articulating the ideas that those books create within us should be more widely cherished and practiced. (in my opinion). The focus of this is to discuss that glorious post book high when you've just finished a book that really created an interesting discussion in your mind, stirred a passion within, and changed you if only for a few hours after finishing it. I think that's the best time to discuss the book and that's what I intend to do.

The book I read was A Change Of Heart by Jodi Picoult and while her books tend to have a familiar pattern; multiple narrator books that change for each, often short chapter, a controversial issue that we see from four or five points of view and a few good(if sometimes predictable) twists. This book was no exception it dealt primarily with the impact of the death penalty and religion, so really non heated neutral topics basically.

I was passionately set against the death penalty the first time I heard about it, which now I can't remember - late elementary school early middle school? I believed this with a conviction that roared. I maintained that if there were any chance someone could be killed and be truly innocent it should not be used. That possibility always exists, and furthermore who were we to decide that decision? As a sophomore in college I took a philosophy class from the scariest professor I have ever had and he switched everything I thought on it's ear with his reason and hypothetical situations, but I returned to my original stance a semester or so after the class ended. This book confirmed that for me and if asked if I could ever be on a jury that would have to vote on a death penalty case the answer is no. Regardless of the horrific things people do that cause our blood to boil, the evil, dark. disturbing things I could not ever put someone to death - I could not murder another even if they started it.

Now that aspect of the book was pretty well cemented for me, but was presented well, but what truly got me thinking was the look at religion. This has always been an issue for me. Way back to when I was a feisty third grader who wanted to be a priest and had to be told that she couldn't because, simply, she was an XX chromosome instead of an XY, the most bogus reason ever and I began to think for myself. Not that those committed to a religion don't but some things were brought up in the book that really hit a chord with me.

"This is what it always comes to. There are the ones who believe and the ones who don't and caught in the space between them are guns."

"This is my simple religion there is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness. - the 14th Dalai Lama

"Every man(and woman) finds his(her) own church - and not all of them have four walls. "

These were some of the quotes from the book that hit with a force that made goosebumps erupt on my arms and my brain pulse in undeniable unison with my heart. I am so perplexed by so many things regarding religion. Why if they all frequently hold focus on doing good, kind things and bringing light into a world ridden with darkness do religious wars exist? Why do we allow a label divide us from uniting. It is together that we can create true, breathtaking, honestly good change. This world could be better if we'd all stop sitting in our camps stubbornly, often pouting. I am guilty of this too, particularly when it comes to respecting the beliefs of others. I often make jokes about my own Catholic upbringing and Christians in general, because part of my religion is laughter.

Further more broken down on a individualistic level, why don't our religions ask us to search ourselves for our own unique connection to the divine? As it happens I have done and do this frequently and found my religion does not fall within four walls or one label but in the following:

There is no cure for a broken heart, but it's better to have it broken than never open to another at all.
Laughter helps heal.
The little bits of good I personally can contribute to the universe make a difference, and if united with the acts of others will overwhelm the world (that was taken from a quote from a bishop whose name escapes me)
Horrible things happen in this world that have no rhyme or reason and horrible things happen because someone deliberately puts them into action, but the same is true of good.
That we weren't made in Gods image as little clones, but that God is within is, exactly as we are, and it is in our journey we find which parts of ourselves are the most like him.
That life is a blending the fated and random and we do have control to implement change, and whether it's for good or bad is up to us.

and this list grows with every person I meet, with every book I read, with every blessed moment I have and every heartbreak I recover from. I truly don't think it's about the label, or the little things, but the big picture and I wish we could all unite and see that and find that thread that weaves between and through everything to bring us to the religion of the universe and the truths of what we are as human; beings capable of truly remarkable good.

We are all so hellbent on being divided and I think that's the point isn't it, hell is the divide.(metaphorically I don't actually believe in a hell or heaven, just a reuniting of our spirit to our home in the universe, and I like to think God) We create the hell, but we could just as easily create the heaven if we could unite long enough to do so. We have religious divides, country divides, state divides, county divides, socioeconomic divides, family divides, political divides, and the list goes on, but what do we have that unites us?

Together it is literally possible to end hunger, save more lives, stop wars, and do more than we could ever dream, but we don't, and then we get angry at a God for not fixing what we won't even try to do on our own.

Just some thoughts, and if yours are a complete flip of my own that's fine, and I respect that, I just wish we could have a discussion about instead of war.