Sometimes I wonder...

I wonder if anyone else really loves the same way I do. Completely and not just with who they should. Not to just a romantic interest, but to a friend, to a person in need, to a fall afternoon, to anyone who ever had to wonder if they were loved, and even to the ones who knew they were.

I love moments with the same intensity that someone loves a spouse.

I cry at movies because I feel the characters and the stories and the millions of very real people they represent.

I can't actually watch the episode of grey's anatomy where there's a gunman because somewhere, all to often, it is real - and seeing it tears my heart apart.

My only regret about having to someday die is that I only get one life to give to trying to make the place better for the future.

Shows like criminal minds make me physically sick because people actually commit these acts and I can't stop them and that pain scares me to the point of illness.

I'm not ashamed of the way I am, in fact I like to think sometimes I remind people of how they used to feel about those things before the world and media desensitized them, but despite my acceptance I wonder...

...Will there every be any person; friend, lover, husband, coworker who will ever experience the world like I do, and if they can't, would they ever be able to accept the fact that I do?

So far no one has outside my family (and even they struggle, regularly), though I'd believed otherwise 4 times now(1 boyfriend, 3 friends), it always ends the same. I have a broken heart and another ended relationship. My dad guesses someday I'll find a man I can tolerate because he's never met anyone who cares like me and advises I don't hold my breath.

I pray he's wrong, despite his wisdom, I pray he's wrong because my best asset is my heart and it seems a shame it should go a lifetime without sharing that love; unconditional, accepting, honest, love.

And as selfish as it is, it seems a shame that it should never know that love either.